This post is incredible. It's dropping gold left and right. It makes me feel a bit less crazy, because I've noticed that improving my relationship with my cat has improved my relationship with all people. And I've been running around telling friends that I bet you could go on a date with someone, spend an hour with them, say ZERO words and leave with a sense of whether you're attracted to them
(this would be a bad date for like, if you want a long term relationship, but I think a perfectly fine date for vibe/physical attraction). I used to think this was crazy because "I would know nothing about them!" but that's not true. There is a LOT of information outside the word content. Exactly like you say here:
> My reliance on words at face value was failing me.
> I don’t get full off a lot of words. I get full off of how they are lubricant for the sustenance I need — which is really, someone’s substantiated character.
especially this part!!! we can sometimes literally hear better if less words are used!!!
> Soon, I noticed that I could actually hear better if less words were being used
I think I've noticed there is different %'s of how I communicate with different friends. I have friends who I speak to "more with my body" and friends that I speak to "more with my words". The litmus test of this is whether we are able to keep in touch over email or zoom calls. A lot of times a good friend moves away and we can't keep in touch. Other times, I find I grow *closer* to them when reduced to just text.
my theory is in both cases, the relationship is enhanced when we lean into our mode of communication.
I think this is what I was grappling with here, in noticing how a waitress made me feel, that it wasn't about the words she was saying but (1) how she felt and (2) that feeling of genuinely enjoying her job came clearly through to everyone https://defenderofthebasic.substack.com/p/how-to-spot-a-genuinely-happy-waitress
Jajajaj the intro is a big part of why I am excited to get a dog one day. I've always been fascinated by the ways animals and humans understand each other!!
This post is incredible. It's dropping gold left and right. It makes me feel a bit less crazy, because I've noticed that improving my relationship with my cat has improved my relationship with all people. And I've been running around telling friends that I bet you could go on a date with someone, spend an hour with them, say ZERO words and leave with a sense of whether you're attracted to them
(this would be a bad date for like, if you want a long term relationship, but I think a perfectly fine date for vibe/physical attraction). I used to think this was crazy because "I would know nothing about them!" but that's not true. There is a LOT of information outside the word content. Exactly like you say here:
> My reliance on words at face value was failing me.
> I don’t get full off a lot of words. I get full off of how they are lubricant for the sustenance I need — which is really, someone’s substantiated character.
especially this part!!! we can sometimes literally hear better if less words are used!!!
> Soon, I noticed that I could actually hear better if less words were being used
I think I've noticed there is different %'s of how I communicate with different friends. I have friends who I speak to "more with my body" and friends that I speak to "more with my words". The litmus test of this is whether we are able to keep in touch over email or zoom calls. A lot of times a good friend moves away and we can't keep in touch. Other times, I find I grow *closer* to them when reduced to just text.
my theory is in both cases, the relationship is enhanced when we lean into our mode of communication.
I think this is what I was grappling with here, in noticing how a waitress made me feel, that it wasn't about the words she was saying but (1) how she felt and (2) that feeling of genuinely enjoying her job came clearly through to everyone https://defenderofthebasic.substack.com/p/how-to-spot-a-genuinely-happy-waitress
Jajajaj the intro is a big part of why I am excited to get a dog one day. I've always been fascinated by the ways animals and humans understand each other!!